opinions of others.

My fren jus asked me what happened to the old edwin he knew...
i asked him how was the edwin he knew and this is what he said:

confidence

nv say die

ai zai one

emo le
also will pa qi lai.

come on la he wont give up ^^

where is he now?

die le?

juz a little setback makes u like that?





haiz... what can i say... i also donno where that edwin has gone. is it because i had nvr experienced real pain or unhappiness in the past?
haiz... i donno...
i wish that i can change the past! lol... then aiya... donno lah... trying to learn more abt life and myself thru all this... but it aint working.

happier? things are better?

haha... since there is SOMEONE who 'objects' that i write in chinese.
these days are happier bah...
since that i donno whether is that i start talking to other ppl also or jus accept things for what it is... also, cos i think is also cos U are talking to me also... but then i think that there is still something that is bothering me...
though aiya... i think that is cos i was always thinking too much abt u bah... then at times only thinking abt u...
then now growing up bah... and thinking more maturely... learning abt life and reflecting... haha... well, but life still is like that...
isit changing for the better? i hope so...

a short post... and a song...

你跟班上的每一个人讲话， 就是不跟我讲话...
班上的人都跟我说话， 就是你不跟我说话...

那首歌就是: "好眼泪坏眼泪"

我曾认真试爱着一个人
他给我幸福的可能
我等我问未来何时发生
他只是给我一个吻

快乐我哭是因为你的手
曾答应带我向前走难过
我哭是因为我的手
找不到你说的以后
好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只不过在你不再爱我了以后
像坏的眼泪慢慢流

快乐我哭是因为我付出
得到你温柔的答覆
难过我哭是因为我认输
你的心永远留不住

好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

有好的笑容陪着我

放弃?

haiz... very 乱 recently... so many things happening to my life... cant even concentrate in class... can concentrate to finish homework... cant concentrate to even play games... seriously... wth is happening... god or buddha or whoever exists... what have i done to deserve this? if there is cause and effect present, what hav i done in my past life so that i deserve all that is happening to me now? haiz...

wth lah...

fine... i am that lousy... apparently must need 'HELP' to do work. apparently ppl think that i cant do work with distraction.

haiz... i jus don get it... if to be able to do work,
my life has to be like that... and feel that i need to be useless, i rather not be able to do work...if that is what is needed, to selfishly hav u by my side... at least as a fren...



as for asking me to forget u, haiz... how to? in the short time that we have known each other, so many things have happened le... how u expect me to forget? not ur fault lah... but so u think cos we in same class maybe cant forget so u want to make me hate u? all it does is cause hurt and pain... bcos jus somehow will feel that way for u to need to make u hurt me... which i don think i can even bring myself to it... haiz...



我真的很烦阿... 为什么需要这样呢? 连朋友都不可以当阿? 真的需要这么做阿? 我真的无法恨你... 你别勉强我...我只会更伤心... "原来爱情那么伤..."haiz... 为和生命是这样...

anyway, i think got two songs that area exactly what i feeling lah... even to the lyrics... haiz...
well, the two songs are: 告诉我 and 原来爱情这么伤... below are the lyrics...

告诉我：
看沉默的电话它什么都不说
看电视的画面它无声的闪动
看街上的行人跟我擦肩而过
整个世界太冷漠
我没有力气再往前走

看你紧闭的嘴唇它什么都不说
看你飘忽的眼神它无情的闪躲
看你和我的回忆跟我擦肩而过
你的改变太冷漠
我没有勇气大声地说

告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你也不愿这样的夜里把难过留给我
告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你是要惩罚我的爱让你失去自由
告诉我...

原来爱情那么伤:
我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上
现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤
比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话
幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强
道理全是一样
说的时候很简单
爱上后却阵脚大乱

只想变得坚强
强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤
只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样
这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干
瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完
思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样...

anyway,YOU pls don worry... 因为如果你在想这些都是你造成的, it's not... there are other things that happened... but then again, this is what hurts me the most...
你希望你从悲伤走出来， 我也想...
只是, 真的没力气了... 我真的那么没用... 对不起...

你做出了对的决定... 跟我这种人在一起, 你才会没有结果, 更悲伤... 我真的已经走头无路了...
haiz..."好眼泪坏眼泪"吧... 还有, "当你孤单你会想起谁"(revised version, u noe what i mean)


现在我觉得自己很坏, 我所做的只是让你伤心而以, 把痛苦带来你那快乐的一生...

wish...

haiz... thinking thinking thinking...

no matter how i think of it... all these has happened bcos of something i told u... haiz...

now, all i can do is selfishly wish that things can go back to the way it was b4... i don really care whether i can be with u or not... jus that hm... how to put it.... aiya... jus miss those times and wish that things can return to what it was...



damn....im so selfish... haiz...

thinking...

i recovered from self-induced pain already...(i hope so) well, the thing is there is someone i want to talk to lah... maybe i should jus sort of 'talk' thru my blog.

ok, i think that u might hav had some misconception abt what is happening to me, and u might take it to be ur fault. i feel that i hav a need to talk to u to clarify stuff and come clean with everything that has happened. i jus hope that i can talk to u whether on the way home or in school... but pls don keep asking whether i ok anot le... i will explain everything u want to noe... and also abt some other things to. if u come across this, can u sms me with ur ans? if u really got some reason to not want to talk to me... hmm... well, got two choices... either u can share ur reason with me then we can solve this problem together? or u jus keep it to urself and i will understand... i jus hope that jus bcos we cant be together doesnt mean we cant even talk to each other abt other things other than homework rite? i jus hope u can get where i am coming from... even if u don, i hope u will hav a talk with me to allow me to explain to u.

still emoing...

still nowhere near recovery... who noes have already been dealt a fatal wound and would nvr recover... the future looks bleak... jus have no mood to do homework. can i take leave from school jus to recover? i wonder... but then again, what help will that do? haiz... down, down to the ground...