It's been a long while since I ever blogged, or even visited this blog. Doubt many people even know of it, or read it nowadays.

Anyways, just wrote a first facebook note about growing up.

As I grow up, I feel I'm better at noticing my surroundings, gauging people's thoughts and actions to a certain extent. However, I'm also better at blocking out such stuff, and living my life in my own shell i crafted for myself, with the rules i set for myself.

However, many things have happened which make me question the need to change.

People grow older, things happen, actions need to be taken.

Sure, I can just ignore and treat it that nothing is part of my problem. But the question is, should I be acting that way?

A friend of mine decided to dedicate her 21st birthday to having people donate money for the Singapore Children's Society, money which people are willing to spend on gifts for her. Although I'm pretty sure her friends will probably still get her a present or something for her herself, she made me contemplate, what makes her action so different from what many others are doing. I'm not saying that its wrong to want to make your own 21st birthday a "About You" day, but it is something different. I can only recall for my 21st, i was just thinking about it being my birthday, although i didnt do much, it was a day about me.

I guess, it will be tough balancing a "remember to care about yourself" and "not to be selfish and care about yourself". However, I feel that for me, that should be something I should seek to achieve to the best I can, less i end up regretting in the future.

Timeline for change: 2-3 months, or maybe up to 1 semester.

Life - subconscious ( self before others)

life ain't a bed/bunch (cant rmb) of roses, if i dont rmb wrongly this was what someone said.

lol. anyways, i feel that even if life was a bunch of roses, roses also have thorns, but i guess these thorns are too insignificant to describe the impacts and changes that things have to one's flow of life.

I guess in one's life, we will encounter countless problems, or shld i say changes, things that go in a way different from how u want it to. Well, i guess everyone has the same mentality of denial, including myself i should say... It is always the " why me", " why this" " why now" " why like that", " i dont want it like this" etc. well, i guess this shows how we always want and subconsciously think that things should go smoothly, the way we want it.

Well, i guess im really a true example of such a behaviour, somehow i cant stop thinking how many times it has been that i always thought things were going smoothly, and then felt like i had hit a brick wall when things didnt turn out how i thought they would be. After some time, and quite a bit of thinking, if only i didnt lose myself to the situation, things could have been different, yet, i always thought i could just try to resist what was happening, forcing it to just change back to how it was. Well, in the end i guess 硬碰硬 only ended up in me being shattered.
most of the time, i always blinded myself when i just focused on one single thing/person/moment. Though i know nothing can change that, and i think few if not none will even read this in the first place, i truly regret quite a lot of my actions and how i handled certain things, which at times affected others as well...

to be continued... ack.. have to sleep liao..